"You're really letting me down by moving to California after all I've done for you". This is a typical conversation between me and my father. How can a parent say that to his child who wants a better life for herself? I don't think I have felt such hatred as much as I did yesterday. Since when did anyone think they had any control of my life? People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, especially when the person in the glass house is filled with alcohol and control issues.
I may just have a chance to get away from this tyranny. This is 2012- I can't understand how people think in a 1950's mindset. For my whole life, I have been taught to "act like a little lady" and never talk back or show emotion. When I did show emotion I would get belittled, and it's still like that to this day.
Scaring me into staying where I am by saying the world is going to end so I should just stay where I am makes me question their mental state. I feel that I have no purpose in life. If only this parent would realize the type of damage he is causing to his kid's confidence, making her question all of her ideas and plans for the future.
I wonder what it would be like to have a father who isn't negative all the time. Maybe I would be able to take a compliment about my art instead of doubting myself and my abilities. Maybe I wouldn't feel guilty everytime I ask for help. Because in my family, you ask for help and you hear about days, months, or years down the road. This could be a reason why I am generous and will always help someone if they ask, even if it is inconvenient to me (because I will feel bad if I say no).
I have grown into an adult being told that if you don't have a good job, you are not worthy, and if you invest your education in something "useless" like art, you are going to fail. I'm glad I'm escaping and I hope this mentality doesn't follow me.
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